Today is going to be a good day :)

YA HEARD!!!


booz and bitches.
My life is almost complete ;)

He told me nothing happens after you die.

It's amazing how people can make the wildest assumtions about their friends or loved ones.
It's understandable in a way, especially when that's just how things seem. But seriously, quit talking shit. You don't know what the fuck is going on, obviously, you've been there just as much as we have which is most likely not enough. And I'm not just speaking for myself, I'm speaking for the people I know, or STILL know anyway.
On a different note... Fuck everything.
I was is an alright mood when I first started this, but now I'm just pissed.
Seriously. I have short nerves (if none of you knew that anyway..).
It seems like I'm constantly working. Wether it's at work or with this relationship or just with life. I'm always working... I'm tired, I don't get enough sleep. This is bullshit.

I'm taking a fucking break.

So it's gettin' pretty close to that 21st birthday now.
Don't ask me what I'm going to be doing.
It will probably be the same thing I do every day: wake up early, work my ass off, jay's band practice, then straight home to bed. Then all of that over again and again and again and again.
Oh well, it's just another day I guess. Who cares anyway.

Off to bed now. I need to get up around 5.


good night..

Since I've felt you next to me.
And yesterday, I felt you all around me.
The tears were pouring out of my eyes but everything was fine.

I miss you John...

Shit... So many people to see so little time. I really hope everything works out. I hate only seeing my friends for a few minutes, especially since I don't see anyone anyway. I just really hope everything works out..

Irony...
Do not fight today, according to the alignment of some star shit or whatever. The physical problems that I'm being faced with apparently originate within, which I can see would be true.
Jay slept on the couch last night, well I think anyway. We're just dealing with the same problems we've had before, and it's stupid, WHY??? Why again? I thought the reason why we fought in the past was to figure all that shit out and move the fuck on. I'm sick of this repetition, I'm done arguing. Maybe we have bigger problems than we think, and we're just not seeing the whole picture. We're so focused on the small shit. Or maybe we just need some anger managment. Or maybe our heads are so far up our asses that there's actually nothing wrong at all.
Who fucking knows? I just don't want to hear it, I'm done. I'm done with my head being all screwy and what not.

So far, I've just been floating along..

I don't know..
I really don't know what lies ahead of me.
All I can really do is brace myself, I'm ready for anything.
I can see the signs I just don't know if I'm interpreting them right.
Trust... Yeah, it's there...
I just don't know...


Just another reason to hate myself...

crushed..

I sure do love the ol' man.
He's so wonderful :)

Can't wait to move out. April is out of the question. People in this house suck! Well, person, and as in person I am referring to bitchy crab that lives downstairs.
I want to come to shelton, there are too many people that I need to see. But ehh, we all know how that goes. Need money, and I need to fix my car. Lame... Someday I will see my beloved friends again, someday...

Time sure does fly when life changes every single day.
I've been going through a whole lot of change just to feel something familiar again.

I miss Johnny, I just miss him....

First day of work.. not bad, kinda boring but not bad :)
I'm very excited. Working at the hospital is WAYYY better than working anywhere else.
And it's only a couple of blocks away from my house so since I walk to work I get $21 every pay period. Sweet deal :)
I'm working in the Progressive Care Unit. I also work with a bunch of fillipinas :)
Apparently if I work for Providence for a certain amount of time they pay for my tuition to further my education, another sweet deal :)
I'm very pleased with the way things are turning out right now.
Me and Jay are pushing April to be our move out date. I think it's possible.... I think..

Anyway. Buy more scrubs/girl shit, pay off debt, fix car, get appartment, buy crap for the appartment, and THEN buy tattoo, whoo!


This concludes what is actually a good fucking day. Rad.

FUUUUCCCKKKKKKK.

What a lazy day....

Income tax is really starting to piss me off.
Fuckin TurboTax... Yeah, it's easy, but everyone has been telling me that if I use that site I get ALL of my money back. I created an account, started my filling, and then realized I'll be getting over $100 less than what I should be. Is that correct??????? I don't think I was doing anything wrong. Should I just go to H&R Block?? Last year I think they took like $60 or something, which is WAAAYYYY better than whatever the fuck TurboTax is doing. It didn't even explain why I was getting less, so I just signed off before finishing my filling. I really don't know what to do. I can't afford to loose that kind of money right now, or any money for that matter :/

Ugghhh.... and the fact that I am once again awake, of course...... Why can't I sleep at night? I'm just.. awake... I don't feel tired. It used to really piss me off but I'm so used to it now. I look like shit, dark circles, puffy eyes.... gross. I've thought about sleeping pills/aids but I'm so iffy about it considering my old bad habits.
Blahh.. life is so useless sometimes..

Anyway.
I love Jay, with all my heart. He is wonderful, and handsome, and oober sexyyy :D
And I love shoes!!!!!! I bought boots today. Probably a REALLY bad idea, but hey, you would've bought them too!
There's a tattoo convention going on in Vancouver on Feb. 15th. I really wanna go. Hodge and Stashia are going and me and Stashia had already planned to go with eachother. Just depends on if Jay wants to go. I don't want to be alone with another couple because of what couples do. It's kinda of embarrasing and icky. So I would rather do me and Jay while they do Hodge and Stashia :D Plus, if you get or atleast start a tattoo you get it for super duper cheap, which is quite swell I must say. I want to start my sleeve. I REALLY WANT TO START MY SLEEVE!!
It would deffinitely make me feel better about myself. And no matter what, tattoo's are never a waste of money. Well.. good ones anyway.

Now to do something else with my time.......

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHH

I owe so much money.
I don't get any of my tax return. It belongs to my debt, and ofcourse the never ending bills.

Man oh man, I cannot wait to retire.

It feels like things are always kept from me, hiden away.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

I can't wait to get the fuck out of this house.

DO NOT TEXT ME

I'm taking it off my phone.
My bills are too god damn expensive, I can't pay any of my other bills as is.

FUCK, this is gay.